August - The Month I Had to Wear White Twice

My Sunday work was just about to end. Carlos Yulo's 2nd Gold Medal win was sweeping through my newsfeeds. This was good news, right? Historic. It was great for the country. 

Little did I know that it was only one of the many historic events that would take place in my month. I went up and my mom told me, "We're going to the hospital. Lola Ebs is now with the Lord." This was not supposed to be a shock. We were praying against it for weeks. 

But we felt it deep inside, that was going to be the day. Heck, I was already wearing white. 

The mood was somber when we arrived. Mom went to be with Lola Ebs' daughters. I hugged her grandkids. Lola Ebs was not a blood relative, but she might as well have been. 

When we arrived in Kalibo more than 30 years ago, this kind woman welcomed my dad - a missionary who uprooted his life in Manila to start his ministry in Kalibo together with his wife and their one-year-old daughter - me. We struggled during our first years in the move and we had to live by faith. Through those years, Lola Ebs was a willing instrument. I remember meals and baths and slumber parties in her ancestral home where her daughter - my tita, always took care of us. Yes, Lola Ebs was not a blood relative, but she might as well have been. 

Two days later, we traveled to Iloilo to send away my sister and her husband to Cebu. We also always knew that this day was coming. They were called to another city, just like my dad and mom when they were sent to Kalibo more than 30 years ago. It was a direction from God. But it didn't mean I couldn't grieve that my sister was no longer an official resident of our home. The next time she would be back, she would be back to visit. 

The wake for Lola Ebs started and our church gathered together to show our support for the woman who opened her doors for this church to be planted. Wednesday...Thursday...Friday...Saturday...

My mom called me from my room again with urgency. "Tal needs oxygen. I'm talking to Fr. Dong about bringing her to the ER." She called someone. She called many people. I was assigned to look for the number of Joy from MDRRMO. Maam Tal will be picked up by an ambulance. A few minutes later I was riding a tricycle to Provincial Hospital. 

Maam Tal's daughter and my partner-in-ministry - Melody was in the waiting area with Fr. Joubert. We were quiet for a while. But I felt her energy. She was ok. No panic, no fear. I prayed with her there in that waiting area. Fr. Dong was also all smiles when I saw him. These people were people who had God in their hearts. I matched their energy too, yes God was in control. 

I got to see Maam Tal in the hallway of the emergency room. I told her we were praying for her and she raised her eyebrows to acknowledge what I said. This woman was a woman of faith. I reminded myself that I should not be moved by what I see or what I feel, I should only be moved by the word of God. 

The next day, Melody developed a high fever with chills and rashes. Mom wanted to be reassured that she didn't have dengue so we had to go to St. Gab Hospital to have her checked. The doctor said that there was a dengue outbreak, and she was not positive for it but prescribed meds. After buying her meds she went home to rest. That night Maam Tal finally got a private room. It did feel like everything was going to be ok. 

August 12, Monday - this was Lola Ebs' last night of wake. Her resurrection mass would be held the next day. Eulogies were given, songs were sung, tears were shed, and amazing stories about this amazing woman were shared. It was a meaningful night for her family and those who loved Lola Ebs dearly. We went home with hearts swelling, tired but happy that her life is being celebrated so meaningfully. 

A few minutes after getting home I got a call from a crying daughter. Something was happening. We had to go and see Maam Tal immediately. It was past 11pm when we arrived. Bishop Romie was conducting the last rites and seeing the kids go through that broke my heart. I knew everyone who was not immediate family in that room was praying. There were two priests, one bishop, two bishop's wives, one priest's wife, and a bishop's kid there. Of course we were all storming the heavens. 

"Let's go home now. We have a funeral to prepare for tomorrow. Maam Tal will not be going to heaven yet. Let's rest." This was what my mom said around 1am. She told me later that Maam Tal was "waiting for someone." We continued to pray. 

The next day was Lola Ebs' funeral. August 13 - I saw the date and realized that it was also the same date as my dad's inurnment a year ago. Wow. What were the odds that Lola Ebs would be buried today too? I didn't know that that was only going to be the half of it. I went back to the hospital after Daily Mass to check on Maam Tal again. She was still the same. Melody went home for a while. I messaged her and told her I'd be back at the hospital after the Resurrection Mass. 

It was a beautiful service. We were all wearing white and I knew that Lola Ebs joined us in spirit that day. It was an anointed memorial. And then there it was, the mass had to end. The recessional played and the casket was now being marched out of the church. 

"Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee

How great Thou art, how great Thou art..."

I took my phone to message Melody that I was on my way and then she replied:

"Time of death, 3:33." 

It was just 3:36 when I received it. The recessional song was still playing. Did Maam Tal go to be with the Lord immediately after Lola Eb's resurrection mass? And a year after my dad's inurnment? 

My mom and I went directly to the hospital after the mass. She was in tears thinking about Fr. Dong. I was thinking of the kids. I was wearing white again. 

The next day I was in our media office looking for pictures of Maam Tal. I couldn't believe we were doing another requiem post. Melody arrived and I helped her with the layout and other media ministry things that we could do. I went to their home before the wakes could start. We set up a Facebook group, crafted a family statement, and tried our best to process everything that happened. 

Through it all, we kept praying. 

Finally, it was time for Maam Tal's resurrection mass. August 22 - again, another significant date for my dad. It was his consecration anniversary. We're not making this up. We have an intentional God.

A few days later, a freak of nature happened and lightning struck our church compound. Our entire live stream system got affected due to a power surge and a lot had to be done. We basically had to change our major wirings. Really, another "death?"

Wow Lord, can't catch a break, much??

The month was not yet ending and so much has already happened. We were already grieving so many things all at once. I asked God several times last night what I should do. It feels like we keep putting out fires left and right, taking hits from everywhere. But I look at my leader, I look at my mom, and I remember my dad. The waves would keep hitting them too, but they continued. They continue. 

Eyes on Jesus, not on the waves. It's not an easy walk. I can't blame Peter for doubting! But if we doubted, where else would we go? Who else would we run to? I know my God is good. I know He sees all things. I know He sees our pain. He is not taken aback by all that has taken place. He is good, He is sovereign, He is in control. 

So what now? 

If I were to act like a true Christian with a mind that is renewed by the word of God, I would remember Hebrews 12:1-2. Yes, we are now surrounded by a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith. Dad's there, Lola Ebs is there, Maam Tal is there too. And I know that they are cheering us on. Eyes on the prize then, let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus.

He is not a magician who will make the problems disappear. But He is the God Who will walk with us through grief, pain, loss, and He is the God who will turn this mourning into dancing and this sorrow into joy. 

Heart be still, know that He is God.